Dear Charlie,
My boyfriend works with a fun group of people his age. We are often invited to events with them. Everyone gets along well, but one of the girls in the group flirts shamelessly with my boyfriend right in front of me. She has a boyfriend, but he doesn’t seem to mind. When I talk to my boyfriend about it, he says she’s like that with everyone, but I beg to differ. Having hung out with her several times, it’s obvious to me that she is only like this with him. I feel that he encourages her flirting and in fact, they have incredible chemistry! This really bothers me, but he won’t admit it. I don’t trust this girl at all. Do I need to be concerned that they are spending so much time together, even if it’s at work?
-Worried Girlfriend
Dear Worried Girlfriend,
My answer is yes, but don’t blow a gasket just yet because that’s not the actual issue here. When it comes to work environments, playful flirting among colleagues often becomes part of the regime balance. While seemingly harmless advances are reciprocated, their playfulness is playing with fire. Most people flirt at some point or another, whether in front of their mate or not. In mild cases, it simply shows a healthy sexual appetite. However, many affairs are spawned out of the workplace too. The real problem here is that your needs are not being met, and the trust between you two is not solid. You are entitled to not be perfect in either of those categories, because no one is. For the happiness and longevity of your relationship, you need to always be working on areas that you are lacking in. In your situation, you have a need to feel appreciated and special to your boyfriend. Yea? On the contrary, your boyfriend has a need to be himself freely in both work and social atmospheres. If it makes you nervous that he has a charming nature (which will spill over into his workplace), then you need to work on trust with him. Think about what you liked about him when you were first attracted to him. Was it that he was a charmer? This may be part of his personality. The question is if it works for you as a couple. In an ideal situation, the two of you would be able to compromise on needs when they clash. When your needs are not meeting at eye level with his, the result is that you feel hurt. Your boyfriend should try to be sensitive to your needs, while you try to understand his. I’m unable to make a good judgment as to how serious this flirting is (with the information given). Whether or not he is just being himself, or allowing something to go on between himself and his colleague, is unclear. If I were you, I would pay attention to the dialogue being exchanged between him and her. You have the right of way to butt right into their conversation, and put her in her place if needed. Take the assertive route with this girl. Is your boyfriend really crossing the line? Or is it just his response to her? Perhaps he is just being polite? I hope so, for your sake. Is this "chemistry" you talk of, possibly in your head? I'm not saying that you are crazy, I'm just hoping that you have nothing to worry about. Some people will tell you that these are your insecurities or that you are jealous, but it’s not always black and white. Some people's concerns are validated completely. It sounds like you and your boyfriend still need to have some key conversations. These would be the conversations involving intentions and needs. Is he behaving the same way he would, if this flirty girl were you? That would naturally make me feel threatened. You shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to stop being a charming guy, if he has always been one naturally, but you should expect him to honor you. Flirty-pants girl is clearly disrespecting you, but do you really feel that he is? Have you been hurt in past relationships by any chance? That would indicate that most likely you have just learned to keep your eyes open. I would advise you to stay on your toes around this girl. Keep your interaction with her brief and remain politely guarded. Maybe she is threatened by you as a person, and does it intentionally? After attempting to be friends with her and learning that you can’t trust her, she is coming across as one of those girls who gets a rise out of flirting with another woman's man. Some of us do not conduct ourselves in this way because we respect other women. Over time, you may become comfortable with your boyfriend’s social skills, or learn that he responds politely to aggressive advances. Hopefully he is a decent and moral person. It will take time to get to know him better. Perhaps your boyfriend makes this girl feel good about herself, so she uses being around him as an opportunity to hone on her flirting skills? It may have nothing to do with her feelings towards him, but more to do with his personality. An important question to ask is: do other women typically flirt with your boyfriend? That would be a sign that it's him. Perhaps he just has that effect on women naturally? Perhaps he is encouraging her, but not intentionally? She’s most likely just a really selfish person who is accustomed to being the center of attention. Girls like that are a dime a dozen and the men who appreciate them are boneheads. She would rub most women the wrong way. Perhaps your boyfriend is happy at work and not trying to cause problems. I would say to ignore her, but stay abreast on the issue. It will probably fade out, but then again, all women are a threat to women whose men aren't faithful. Chew on that for a while.
Showing posts with label flirting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flirting. Show all posts
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Husband Flirts with Co-worker
Dear Charlie,
Pardon me for saying this but I’m a married man who is currently having unfaithful thoughts about a girl at work. We are very friendly with each other, and she has given me signals to show she’s interested in being more than friends. I have been married to my wife for 6 years now and love her, but I am a man. My wife doesn’t have the spunk she used to, and she isn't getting any younger. I am naturally drawn to my younger and more attractive co-worker. She is very special. I don’t see the harm in a playful friend, as long as I don’t act on my thoughts. Should I invite her out as a friend as long as I tell my wife? No harm in honesty.
-Feeling Frisky
Dear Feeling Frisky,
How amusing. Men love to hide behind the excuse of carnal and primordial urges which they feel is their right as a species. Your feelings of entitlement are deliciously cowardly. You are 100% playing with fire, and though it seems like a harmlessly fun game, your ignorance may cost you much more than you bargained for. Foolish are the frivolous. I find it amusing that you campaign yourself as “a man” and thus are pardoned from behaving badly. In that case; as women we should henceforth be entitled to stab whoever we want whenever they annoy us, back stab us, or betray us. Is that a fair trade? The point is Mr. Feeling Frisky, if we all gave into our every emotionally impulsive whims of the moment as we felt them, this world would be in a sh1tload of trouble. You dig? Looking at extreme cases of men who gave into their deepest darkest desires, we reflect on horrifying times when the world went mad because it was ruled by savages. You frown on your wife’s aging, and criticize her for losing energy, but who is to say that Mr. Feeling Frisky isn’t soon to become Mr. Divorced and Balding? Aging is part of the human life process. Pardon me for saying this, but this is dopey. You sound like a bachelor for life in disguise as a husband, who could fancy a new fling every few years just to support your sexual appetite. If you want to behave like an animal, then why not associate with them and go lock yourself up at the zoo? Whether you’re a scientist supporting theories of evolution, a die-hard Christian believing our species to be the offspring of Adam and Eve, or a Jew hoping people will come to their senses, the truth is that we human beings pride ourselves at the top of the food chain because we function as the supremely intelligent beings with self control above all else. That is what it boils down to. In some languages, intelligence literally translates to mean mental control. Your primal urge can easily be explained… You have been married for 6 years you say? Perhaps there was a year or two of courtship? So mathematically, maybe you feel like you have been married a little longer? Precisely. You heavily support a study done on the male species, which proved that 84.6% of married men who experience a sporadic infidelity pattern, have an urge curve occurring at the 7 year mark of marriage. That sounds about right for you. This is known as “the 7 year itch”. Are you like Richard Sherman? Do you “like to wander through the labyrinth of the mind”? Well tread lightly my friend, because you know what they say; “they mind is a scary neighborhood, don’t go there alone”. This situation you have allowed yourself to be in (with the assistance of your flaky female comrade), calls for you to have resistance. That’s right: RESIST. It’s as simple as that. Or better yet; run the other way before you disgrace yourself, your reputation, as well as your beloved family. Control yourself. Because if you don’t Mr. Feeling Frisky… your actions are sure to cause irrevocable damage to the lives of all parties involved. How convenient for you to find a younger and newer prospect at work, tossing your wife aside like a worn out shoe. I didn’t realize women were like clothing or accessories to be traded in for newer styles. Sure many men feel this way, but that doesn't make them right and that doesn't make it acceptable. Throughout history, it has been many men coming together in large groups to do terrible things. Group mentality can be very dangerous. I would encourage you to try to live up to the standards of modern civilization and the superior human race, which could potentially devour itself if we allowed ourselves the slightest bit of primitively impulsive freedom… but I’m not so sure you’re up for the job. As a man donning the title of "husband", your job is to not put yourself in those situations, and to resist temptation. Maybe you didn't know what your job was.I feel bad for your wife, to have married a man so unstable and emotionally vulnerable. Where have all the men gone anyways? It seems there are more animals running ramped everywhere, in the form of “a man”. Many people make the marital commitment with no intention of staying faithful from the beginning. Many people allow themselves a little leg room to play as long as they don't "act" on their thoughts, or their wife doesn't find out. Unless you are some kind of immortal super hero, this road only leads to failure. When you share experiences with someone, feelings grow. That's not rocket science, that's human nature. I assure you that telling your wife about this romp results in her devastation and pure stupidity on your part. You don't know what you're doing. If you want to crush her, by all means, spill the beans. But if you respect her feelings or value her as a partner in any way, I say forget the home wrecking colleague, and value what you have at home which is more than most could ever aspire to, and probably more than you deserve. Grow up. For some people, thinking about it is just as bad as doing it. After all, it's in our minds that we begin to materialize our ideas and create.. looks like you are aspiring to create a mess. You are more appropriately titled Mr. Unfaithful.
Pardon me for saying this but I’m a married man who is currently having unfaithful thoughts about a girl at work. We are very friendly with each other, and she has given me signals to show she’s interested in being more than friends. I have been married to my wife for 6 years now and love her, but I am a man. My wife doesn’t have the spunk she used to, and she isn't getting any younger. I am naturally drawn to my younger and more attractive co-worker. She is very special. I don’t see the harm in a playful friend, as long as I don’t act on my thoughts. Should I invite her out as a friend as long as I tell my wife? No harm in honesty.
-Feeling Frisky
Dear Feeling Frisky,
How amusing. Men love to hide behind the excuse of carnal and primordial urges which they feel is their right as a species. Your feelings of entitlement are deliciously cowardly. You are 100% playing with fire, and though it seems like a harmlessly fun game, your ignorance may cost you much more than you bargained for. Foolish are the frivolous. I find it amusing that you campaign yourself as “a man” and thus are pardoned from behaving badly. In that case; as women we should henceforth be entitled to stab whoever we want whenever they annoy us, back stab us, or betray us. Is that a fair trade? The point is Mr. Feeling Frisky, if we all gave into our every emotionally impulsive whims of the moment as we felt them, this world would be in a sh1tload of trouble. You dig? Looking at extreme cases of men who gave into their deepest darkest desires, we reflect on horrifying times when the world went mad because it was ruled by savages. You frown on your wife’s aging, and criticize her for losing energy, but who is to say that Mr. Feeling Frisky isn’t soon to become Mr. Divorced and Balding? Aging is part of the human life process. Pardon me for saying this, but this is dopey. You sound like a bachelor for life in disguise as a husband, who could fancy a new fling every few years just to support your sexual appetite. If you want to behave like an animal, then why not associate with them and go lock yourself up at the zoo? Whether you’re a scientist supporting theories of evolution, a die-hard Christian believing our species to be the offspring of Adam and Eve, or a Jew hoping people will come to their senses, the truth is that we human beings pride ourselves at the top of the food chain because we function as the supremely intelligent beings with self control above all else. That is what it boils down to. In some languages, intelligence literally translates to mean mental control. Your primal urge can easily be explained… You have been married for 6 years you say? Perhaps there was a year or two of courtship? So mathematically, maybe you feel like you have been married a little longer? Precisely. You heavily support a study done on the male species, which proved that 84.6% of married men who experience a sporadic infidelity pattern, have an urge curve occurring at the 7 year mark of marriage. That sounds about right for you. This is known as “the 7 year itch”. Are you like Richard Sherman? Do you “like to wander through the labyrinth of the mind”? Well tread lightly my friend, because you know what they say; “they mind is a scary neighborhood, don’t go there alone”. This situation you have allowed yourself to be in (with the assistance of your flaky female comrade), calls for you to have resistance. That’s right: RESIST. It’s as simple as that. Or better yet; run the other way before you disgrace yourself, your reputation, as well as your beloved family. Control yourself. Because if you don’t Mr. Feeling Frisky… your actions are sure to cause irrevocable damage to the lives of all parties involved. How convenient for you to find a younger and newer prospect at work, tossing your wife aside like a worn out shoe. I didn’t realize women were like clothing or accessories to be traded in for newer styles. Sure many men feel this way, but that doesn't make them right and that doesn't make it acceptable. Throughout history, it has been many men coming together in large groups to do terrible things. Group mentality can be very dangerous. I would encourage you to try to live up to the standards of modern civilization and the superior human race, which could potentially devour itself if we allowed ourselves the slightest bit of primitively impulsive freedom… but I’m not so sure you’re up for the job. As a man donning the title of "husband", your job is to not put yourself in those situations, and to resist temptation. Maybe you didn't know what your job was.I feel bad for your wife, to have married a man so unstable and emotionally vulnerable. Where have all the men gone anyways? It seems there are more animals running ramped everywhere, in the form of “a man”. Many people make the marital commitment with no intention of staying faithful from the beginning. Many people allow themselves a little leg room to play as long as they don't "act" on their thoughts, or their wife doesn't find out. Unless you are some kind of immortal super hero, this road only leads to failure. When you share experiences with someone, feelings grow. That's not rocket science, that's human nature. I assure you that telling your wife about this romp results in her devastation and pure stupidity on your part. You don't know what you're doing. If you want to crush her, by all means, spill the beans. But if you respect her feelings or value her as a partner in any way, I say forget the home wrecking colleague, and value what you have at home which is more than most could ever aspire to, and probably more than you deserve. Grow up. For some people, thinking about it is just as bad as doing it. After all, it's in our minds that we begin to materialize our ideas and create.. looks like you are aspiring to create a mess. You are more appropriately titled Mr. Unfaithful.
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