Dear Charlie,
I drove downtown to hang out with one my friends last night. On my way home, I got a flat tire in a sketchy area. I was alone and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I kept calling my friend to come help me, but she didn't answer my call. I couldn’t decide whether to call her boyfriend or not, whom lived nearby. I decided to call him when I became desperate. He was able to come and fix it for me. I admit that he was flirting with me. After he fixed the flat, he invited me over to hang out. I didn’t go because it was so late, but he said he wanted to hang out again. Now his girlfriend is mad at me because she thinks I want her boyfriend. She doesn’t even know that he wants me to call him again! Should I tell her? Do you think she is right to be mad? He told me she was the jealous type. Do you think I should call him?
-Damsel in Distress
Dear Damsel in Distress,
Some men love to take on the role of Knight in Shining Armor. Do I think your friend is right to be mad at you? Nope. You did what you had to do. First of all, if this girl is really your friend then she should understand the situation that you were in, and be happy that her boyfriend was there to help. The fact that her boyfriend talked about her (to her friend) behind her back, gives me reason to question his motives. I believe he was being nice, but also taking advantage of the situation. “Jealous” girlfriends are usually reacting to the behavior of their naughty boyfriends. Flirtatious or philandering boyfriends will rid themselves of any guilt or responsibility for causing the insecurities of their girlfriends to fester, by slapping the “jealous” label on them. Don’t get me wrong, some girls are irrationally jealous, but others are being made to feel insecure by their boyfriends. I feel that your friend’s discomfort in the scenario stems from the real issue that she can’t trust her boyfriend. Who knows the root of her overly possessive attitude? She is probably aware of his flirtatious ways, but may be in denial. On the other hand, he may be a harmless flirter who wants out of the relationship. Who knows!?! While he was nice and helpful to come to your rescue, an opportunity presented itself. It was party time for your hero of the night. There’s no denying that his invitation was inappropriate. Some men are opportunists who feed off of gratitude. They see it as a game of trading favors. They look for helpless damsels in distress to lure into their lair. Was he nice to help you? Sure… but his intentions were not entirely innocent when all was said and done. Here’s a question: where was his girlfriend? Furthermore, why didn’t she answer your call? If she had, none of this would have ever happened, so she has herself to thank for that. She isn’t being honest with herself. I don’t know this girl, but I suspect that if you told her what he said, she would direct her anger towards you (rather than at the appropriate party). I also don’t know this guy at all, so I can’t tell you if he is worth a call. You have to use your instincts and better judgment to decide. From what you have told me, it sounds like a terrible idea. Are you interested in stealing your friend’s boyfriend? Do you want to get that involved in all of this? I mean really, are you actually considering calling him again? Are you even really friends with his girlfriend? You sound more like frenemies. There may be a reason for her behavior, and there may be a reason for his behavior too, but nobody is being honest. Since you guys are all young, you’re free to do whatever you want and f*ck up, but this relationship is not serious and this guy sounds like trouble. He is clearly not committed, and she has reason to be concerned. If she can’t see the forest through the trees and realize what’s up with her man, then she has whatever she’s got coming to her. Maybe he lies to her? I don't know. He will inevitably cheat on her. Whether it’s with you or someone else is up to you. He is probably looking for a way out. Unless you are absolutely head over heels secretly in love with this guy, which it doesn’t sound like you are, I would leave his offer at the scene of the heroic act. If you need to ask me if you should call him or not, then my advice is don’t get involved. STAY AWAY. This could easily turn into a messy situation. Friends tend to date within the same pools, but it’s just drama, drama, drama. Find someone else to call your own. He is not displaying trustworthy behavior or a solid track record. Sorry sister. If you tell her that he wants you to call him again, be prepared for an irrational response. She is not thinking clearly, but that shouldn't be your problem. Feel free to simply ignore his offer and forget about it.
P.S. You need new friends.
