Dear Charlie,
I just started a new job as an assistant to the head honcho of a corporation. When I interviewed for the position, my new boss seemed like someone I wanted to work for. After getting acquainted, she has turned out to be a total control freak. I even bought new, comfortable shoes for this position and they are already worn down after 2 weeks of running around for her. She goes beyond monitoring everything I do. She reams me for every little thing I do. She is very demanding, nags me constantly, and the way she talks to me is condescending. I have never felt so low. I know I should be grateful that I have a job, but this is a nightmare. I want to quit. What should I do?
-Unhappy New Assistant
Dear Unhappy New Assistant,
As if going to work wasn’t a challenge in itself, then you have to deal with a psycho when you get there. That’s too bad. I’d say it rather sucks. They say first impressions are everything, but that’s not necessarily true. People are good at hiding their true colors during brief introductory encounters. You think you got a good feel for her during an interview, but as you got to know her, she brought her skeletons out of the closet. It must have been an unpleasant surprise when you discovered that not all of your duties were listed in the job description. Duties such as withstanding verbal abuse, aiding to neurotic needs, and being belittled throughout your shift, have put you in a position to take it lying down from this lady. Hooray (note sarcasm). Are you feeling like her dog on a leash, or a pawn in the game of life? Some people just love to be LARGE and IN CHARGE, and some bosses look for more than an assistant. The world would be so much easier if employers were honest with potential candidates. It would seem more appropriate to call a spade a spade during the hiring process. Why they don’t just come out and say; “I’m looking for someone to be my whipping post”? Well, the answer to that is no mystery because let’s face it; nobody wants to be a whipping post. In some cases, it just comes with the territory. It seems you have crossed that border. Have you seen the show Ugly Betty? I think that show does a decent job making fun of the cheesy antics in work environments. The fashion industry is an extreme example, but the hierarchy within corporations is political despite the front of professionalism. Power brings out the ugly in people. The dynamic between a Queen Bee boss and her little b*tch sidekick assistant is a common one. Some people are more willing to assume that role than others. You must have done a very good job selling yourself at the interview. Perhaps you seemed to fit the bill for what she was looking for at the time. Unfortunately, she underestimated you. Just like some acting roles are wrongfully cast, jobs are often inappropriately filled. It doesn't sound like you are the proper fit for this woman's assistant (to say the least). You are not a compatible pair as these "shoes" are not your size. She may be feeling it too, or she may be like this with everyone. Working as an assistant for her requires someone whoo posseses traits such as a sense of urgency to satisfy her, a desperate desire for her approval, or a relentless hunger for success at all cost. I think you have no choice other than to make the most of it for now, until you find another job. Given today’s job market, you may have to pace yourself here for a while. You should actively start looking for a new job, as soon as possible. It won’t be easy but it’s not impossible. Oh, and prayers don’t hurt either. There’s the possibility that just like in the movie “The Devil Wears Prada”, you could learn to adjust to her impossible demeanor, but let’s just hope you don’t sabotage or ruin your personal life in the process. For many people, a job is basic life support and a means to provide for family. It’s all about what you want out of life. Some bosses like to act as dictators. Be careful because you don’t want to get fired. Then you will have a negative referral on your employment history. There is a way to politely and gracefully not take people’s crap, despite their power over you. Assert yourself. Remember: she is your boss, but she is also human. Everyone has their weaknesses and vulnerable spots. You could be equally manipulative by finding her Achilles heel. She may be a miserable person on the inside, with a dysfunctional family. Maybe you need to show her that you can handle the job, but that you’re not going to take her too seriously. Feel free to chuckle or giggle a little when she is rude. If she asks you why you are snickering, or if something is funny, reply diplomatically and tell her “no reason”. Since she is a game player, she should understand the subtle language that means "you're ridiculous". Don’t kill yourself over this job, and if she gets really out of line, then feel free to walk away and tell her it’s just not working out. Don't sweat it. Let it roll right off you. Jobs like this are character builders that thicken your skin. It’s all about values and what is important to you. Some people will do anything to get ahead. If working for this woman is really not worth it to you, then stand your ground, demand respect, and don’t back down. There is a fine line between being professional and getting too personal that some employers try to cross. Display good judgment and approach. Establish boundaries by being politely firm. She is the boss of your work, not the boss of your life, despite her intentions. Sometimes people need to be put in their place no matter their title in the professional world. If you guys are go head to head too much, then you could tell her that you don’t think you are a good fit for this position, and write a formal letter of resignation. However, be prepared to work at a coffee shop or something on the other end, when you can’t find a job replacement right away. It may be a pay cut, but a fair emotional trade considering how she makes you feel. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but nobody is owner of anyone else. Slavery was abolished in 1865. If you need to vent, you could get one of your friends to pretend to be your boss. Then you could re-enact a situation from the work day and vent all the things you want to say to her, that have been bottling up inside of you : ) Michael Urie plays Marc St. James on the show Ugly Betty. His character is a personal assistant, who uses a life size doll replica of his boss to vent on her. Support is helpful, but be careful who you confide in at your new job, because you don't know who's trying to get in good with her.
