Dear Charlie,
I received a bazaar text message from my boyfriend when he was supposed to be studying. It said “you’re not here?” He claimed that it was supposed to be for his roommate but this is not the first time I received a random text from him. He has texted me “you look so hot” when I wasn’t anywhere near him. His explanation was that he wanted me to feel sexy. He also sent me a text once that said “call me” right after I got off the phone with him. When I called him back, he had nothing to say, was acting weird, and then he had to go. I get a bad feeling about these messages. My boyfriend is really attractive and could have any girl he wants. Should I be concerned?
-Texty Girl
Dear Texty Girl,
YES. Unless your boyfriend has a wacky sense of humor, which I’m pretty sure you would be aware of by now, this sounds scandalous. His suspicious text messages are absolutely a cause for concern, considering the possibility that you may not be his only girlfriend. It’s time to take a look at this relationship. In the worst case scenario, you would discover that he is indeed cheating on you. Look for the warning signs. Has his affection or attention towards you been inconsistent? If you find that he is sometimes attentive and then other times negligent, then he's probably not entirely focused on you. Granted that he may be busy with school, you need to pay close attention now that he has set off your radar. When someone is cheating, they may begin to question or doubt the person they are cheating on. This diverts from the fact that they are the guilty one. This tactic psychologically confuses and manipulates the person being cheated on, to feel responsible that they aren’t making their partner feel secure. Meanwhile, the cheater is able to fool around and get away with it. It’s not always obvious when someone is playing games or being deceitful. How much free time does your boyfriend spend with you? What does he do on weekends? Hopefully he wants to spend time with you whenever he can. Also, is our boyfriend overprotective of his phone? How would he react if you were to pick it up randomly and ask him to use it? You should test him. If he acts defensively, or doesn’t want you looking at it, that would be a red flag that he has something to hide. Does he act peculiarly when you two are together? How does he respond to direct questions if you were to ask him if he is seeing anyone else? Some guys can talk a good game, but are sloppy when it comes to hiding their affairs. Do you find discrepancies in his plans? Does he often tell you he is doing one thing, but then you find him doing something else? Is he full of excuses? These are all signs of a true blue cheater. Try to remember if there have been any other signs pointing to the possibility that this boyfriend of yours is not honest. He is showing signs of cheating. Depending on what it will take to open your eyes to the truth about him, I would do some investigating. Don’t run blindly into this relationship with rose colored glasses on. Be cautious, guarded, and keep your wits about you. Don’t get too comfortable with this guy. To believe everything he tells you, or allow him to sweep you off your feet after this suspicious behavior, would be naive. You may get hurt either way, but it will be easier to pick yourself up and move on if you don’t let him take advantage of you. It’s never safe to assume anything, but if he is showing other suspicious signs, then I’d say it’s likely that your boyfriend has naughty secrets and maybe you should find a new one. A good relationship is built on trust and friendship. A relationship that causes you to worry or be constantly suspicious that something is going on behind your back, is dysfunctional and unhealthy. Sometimes we get so excited about someone whom we have strong physcal chemistry with or whom is very attractive to us, that we don't see the flaws surrounding their behavior. When this is the circumstance, we might begin to accept poor treatment to compensate for such a "superior" partner. In a healthy relationship, the love develops over a period of time. Trust is built on a strong foundation of non superficial qualities. If this isn’t enough to make you want to move on from your current boyfriend, then perhaps he deserves the benefit of the doubt. However, I would keep my eye on this guy because he sounds like pure, unadulterated trouble.
