The Name-Dropper

Dear Charlie,
My college roommate works in the entertainment industry. She recently moved to LA, and has been constantly keeping in touch with me. I am not really a phone person, but she calls me daily. I feel like the only reason she calls, is to boast about her new lavish lifestyle. We never talked this much when we lived nearby, and now she suddenly wants to share everything with me. She constantly mentions celebrities she has partied with, worked with, or seen out on the town. She even posts updates on my Facebook wall about her exciting life. I used to like her, but I don’t like talking on the phone and her conversations annoy me. I'm happy with my life and don’t need a daily report on her LA experiences.

-Midwest Girl

Dear Midwest Girl,
This is an easy one. Stop taking her call. Become suddenly busy. When people move somewhere exciting (i.e. NYC, LA, Miami, Japan etc...), they tend to automatically assume that everyone who isn’t there wants to be. You do not have to sit through her obnoxious name dropping, chest beating, and bragging phone sessions. Since she’s in the second largest US city, you would think she would be too busy working in the avid entertainment industry out there, to have time to keep you updated. Why doesn’t she get a job at TMZ, since she’s so completely star struck that she can’t contain herself from reporting star sightings? Become unavailable. Don’t answer her calls any more. As for the Facebook thing, I think there's an option to filter wall posts or block people (if you get desperate). She may have been a cool roomie once upon a time, but now she is getting on your nerves. People change. Luckily she lives far away so you don’t have to deal with her or see her on a regular basis. Then again, if you were both in LA, she wouldn’t feel so special in comparison to you in the Midwest. She is looking for attention; someone to make her feel important. Lucky you. For some people, the city they live in is a major part of their identity. People in LA don’t typically feel special to other people in LA. They have to reach out to people in other cities, if they want recognition for where they live. If she is aspiring to stardom, she’s probably being sucked into that whole LA mind frame of fame chasers. The way she sees it, you are an opportunity for her to feel special or like a star. When that phone rings, ignore it. Don’t’ sweat it. She will find someone else to spoon feed her pompousness to. If she writes to you asking about why you haven’t been around, simply explain. Tell her that you have never been much of a phone person and that your “plate” is full at the moment. Basically tell her (in a nice way) that you have a life, and she needs to get one. She will get the picture and eventually stop calling. If not, you can always change your number and neglect to give her the new one. You aren’t obligated to remain friends with her, just because you used to live together. It’s great that you had a college roommate you got along with, because some people don’t even have that. Not that you’re at all interested in delving her psychology, but she’s probably having mixed emotions. In comparison to the rest of the country, she feels exclusive (and probably a little pretentious) to be living in a place where celebrities wine, dine, mingle, and work. She values them, but the things that are important to her, aren't important to everyone. Naturally being the new kid in town, she may feel a little scared but too egotistical to admit it. Thus she clings to something familiar from her past, meanwhile putting on a face of fearlessness. She’s looking for somewhere to put all this energy and it seems she has picked you. Good for her to have materialized a lifelong dream, but it’s not easy to be the new girl in a really big city, especially Los Angeles. LA is a big deal to many people, but there is a whole world outside of it. Over time she will acclimate, find new friends (hopefully), and get used to the idea that she lives in the entertainment capital of the nation (like thousands of others). For now, politely preoccupy yourself with other things and let LA deal with her.

Long Distance Friends

Dear Charlie,
My best friend and I used to do everything together. We've been friends for 6 years. We used to exercise, have sleepovers, lunch dates, and I'd stay at her place when she went away. Then I met someone special and moved to another state to be with him. That’s when my best friend and I became phone buddies. It's been over a year now and my boyfriend and I are great, but my friend has stopped answering my calls. It’s like we’re not friends any more. Call me crazy, but it seems like she doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m in a relationship and she’s not?!? Or if she just feels like it’s a waste of time. I’m trying to maintain our friendship but don't understand.

-Friendless

Dear Friendless,
Refer to the expression “out of sight, out of mind”, which I feel applies to your situation. Some people are impossible to keep in touch with unless you are in front of them on a daily basis. People can be surprising with how easily they fall off the face of the planet. It’s also effortless to get caught up with your own life and lose track of time or people you were once inseparable with. Life is always changing. Today we have so many options at our finger tips that make it very easy for us to stay connected. When someone you were close to don’t utilize those tools, you naturally feel hurt. What excuse do they have? I would hope that if I moved away, my friends would take advantage of options like Skype to stay in touch. If they didn’t, I would feel forgotten too. However, granted that you are in a relationship and your friend is not, I would say you have lost some common ground. You have changed. You used to be single and had a lot of time to commit to this friendship. Over time, you met someone who took priority over your friend that essentially led to your relocation, and now you are nothing more than a voice over the phone. To make matters worse, you are in a good relationship which your friend cannot currently relate to, so when you talk, it’s about that. Even if she has been in relationships before, the fact that she is not in one currently would make it hard for her to relate to you. You are on different pages. It’s possible that your friend felt abandoned by you, or became depressed after you moved away. I would say that loss affected her negatively whether she acknowledged it or not. She may be happy for you, but simply not on the same page as you anymore. It’s up to you to keep this relationship going, because it seems she has moved on. Try sending her a transcendent card, and reminding her how much you miss her and how special of a friend she really is to you. If you reach out and open the lines of communication, she will not forget you. Then one day she may realize that your friendship went deeper than just having a fun time. You have to make the effort though and try to focus on things you have in common. Keep an open mind. People stick with associations they relate to. Married couples are often friends with other married couples. It’s also important to have balance in your life, so make sure you’re not devoting everything you’ve got solely to your boyfriend. That can really sabotage a friendship. Long distance friendships are an impossible adjustment for some people to make, when they are used to regular visits. You once fulfilled a need that you no longer do. Women bond easily and it’s easy to replace friendships with food, hobbies, work, or even other friends. If you do not want to lose this friendship, then don’t give up. It’s also not likely she will stay single forever, so when she does meet someone, she may feel like she can suddenly connect with you again. Patience. Life is always shifting. She will come around again.