Dear Charlie,
My boyfriend and I live together, and share a television. There are a few shows that I watch regularly. Now that the World Cup is in progress, my boyfriend is dominating the television. It’s annoying. It’s like I’m not here when the game is on. He doesn’t want to hang out with me. He would rather stay home with his eyes glued to the television. I’m not into sports and am bored by the game, so I don’t know how to compromise with this. What about my favorite shows?
-Not Kicking It
Dear Not Kicking It,
Ahhhh the World Cup… It's only once every 4 years, yet your boyfriend would rather kick it with the soccer tournament, than with you. I like how you pointed out that you have only one TV between the two of you. Ha! Can’t pull the remote from his kung-fu grip? It’s a shame to have to miss out on shows you watch religiously, for your boyfriend’s love of soccer. However, the World Cup is an internationally celebrated tournament famous for its passionate fans. That being said, I’m not surprised by your boyfriend’s behavior. He is far from alone. American men can get pretty fanatical about football, but they have nothing on International soccer fans. Soccer (more appropriately known as “football”) is notorious for having the most extreme fans. Now is the time when people around the world come out of the woodwork to obsess over their favorite sport. A love fore one's country; a love for the national team. They take the term “fan” to a whole new level. It’s like a religion. Some countries see their soccer team as a sacred and beloved entity; equivalent in value to a spouse, family, or career. It’s unbelievable. I swear there’s nothing more fanatical. It is described as a spiritual connection. Players have died out there on the field during the game. Loyalty to the national team has often resulted in blood thirst on the streets, in the aftermath of a losing game. Angry soccer fans have been prone to vengeful conduct. They have rampaged, set things on fire, rallied, rioted, and even killed, all in the heat of soccer passion. It’s serious. That’s not all. During the World Cup 1994, Colombian player Andrés Escobar accidentally disgraced his team by kicking the ball into his own goal. When he returned to his country, he was killed by drug lords who had lost money gambling on the teams success. Can you imagine? It’s no joke to these people. They take it outrageously seriously, to a point of life or death in some cases. There’s nothing wrong with liking sports. Sports give its fans an escape into an exciting event of which they may pick a side. It creates kinship among allies. What is a game without fans? The players feed off of the encouragement of spectators, and this generates constant engagement of fans with the game. People feel a personal bond with their team. It is also easy to play sports, so after you watch a game, you can go out in the yard and have your own. Some couples aren’t compatible in their like or dislike of sports. If you are not a sports fan, then you simply have to compromise. Agree to disagree on sports. Differences in a relationship can be very healthy and keep things exciting. He likes soccer, you do not. Make yourself busy and just accept that this is a special time of year for people like him. Allow him to enjoy this, without necessarily par taking in it. By respecting his hobby, he has to return the favor by allowing you to have hobbies too (even if that includes watching shows when the game is on). We have to play fair. I know men who will carry a small television around during the World Cup. I think you can even watch it on your phone. There must be a compromise. Soccer is great and all but let’s try to keep our heads on and get our priorities straight. The relationship can’t go into one-sided mode when the World Cup is in progress. On the flip side, it’s good to take a break from TV sometimes, because our human eyeballs can only take so much staring at a screen. I understand that TV is a great stress relief for a lot of hard working people, but when it comes to the World Cup, there’s no contest. What did people do back in the times of no TV? They probably found other ways to entertain themselves. Maybe you should dust off an old book and start reading? You have options, but if it gets to be a desperate situation, you might invest in another TV. Anything to make the World Cup less painful for you. Since it's the featured attraction at bars galore, why don’t you suggest your boyfriend go out on some game nights? Maybe you can put a flip channel during commercials agreement into effect. It’s not ideal, but you don’t have to like all the same things. Soccer comes with your boyfriends’ package deal. As annoying as it might be, make sure you remain respectful of each other. All in all, I’d say that if this is the worst of your problems, you guys are doing pretty well.
Showing posts with label living together. Show all posts
Showing posts with label living together. Show all posts
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Twin Tension
Dear Charlie,
My girlfriend has a twin and they have always been inseparable (not literally). There is a little tension between her twin and me, because she feels threatened by me. She worries that I will come between the two of them. She is having some financial problems right now and wants to come live with us until she gets on her feet. My girlfriend hopes I will understand and approve, but I’m really not happy about it.
-No Twins Attached
Dear No Twins Attached,
How phenomenal that your girlfriend is a twin! From soul mates to rivals, twins exist in every way. Each set of twins is unique in dynamic. Some twins are opposites, while others seem to be the same exact person. They are an involuntary partnership, which may be either embraced or resented. Some say that there’s no deeper connection and understanding than that of a twin. It sounds like your girlfriend has a comfortable companionship with her twin. However, not every set of twins gets along or accepts the constant presence of the other. Not all twins are attached at the hip (emotionally), but when they are, it’s described as an incomparably deep bond. Psychologists report that twin counseling is similar to couples therapy. Twins are a complicated phenomenon psychologically, because they often establish a balance between them that affords no room for anyone else. This causes tension in adulthood when romantic partners enter the scene. Many twins appreciate the value in having each other, and don’t take it for granted. They may become territorial or over protective of their “other half”. They are often intellectual and physical counterparts. They will finish each other’s sentences, talk in their own language, or even wear the same things. They are a pair. Their relation to each other is often how they identify themselves. It’s common in many households for twins to be raised as one being. Instead of being recognized as separate people, they are referred to as “the twins”. One of the most challenging things for twins to do as adults is become individuals apart from each other. Perhaps your girlfriend is more comfortable separating herself, while her twin is having a hard time individualizing. From her point of view, it has been just the two of them all this time, and then you came long to disrupt the flow. She naturally feels like she is competing with you for your girlfriend’s attention and affection, because she is. It’s challenging for some twins to disconnect, because of the history of their companionship. Twins are accustomed to always having each other. From your point of view, when you began dating your girlfriend, you didn’t sign up to date her twin too. You don’t want their (annoying) bond to invade the intimacy of your love. It feels like there are three of you in the relationship. Not good. What you are witnessing is an identity crisis, and the tender process of individuation. The real issue here is that she is your girlfriend’s family. That is the bottom line. Like a nagging Mother in Law, over bearing Father in Law, or high maintenance childhood pet, the twin comes in your girlfriend’s package deal. As time goes on, twins learn to function in the world without their sister or brother by their side at all times. They will always be twins, and that is a very special gift life has given them. As irritating as it might be, I think it would be big of you to allow her sister to stay with you TEMPORARILY, as long as there is a mutual respect. This is something they have to work on out of respect for you. Her twin will always be a part of her life and you cannot and should not try to change that. However, you are now an important piece of the puzzle too, and so her twin must make room for you. Maybe you can help her find a boyfriend…
My girlfriend has a twin and they have always been inseparable (not literally). There is a little tension between her twin and me, because she feels threatened by me. She worries that I will come between the two of them. She is having some financial problems right now and wants to come live with us until she gets on her feet. My girlfriend hopes I will understand and approve, but I’m really not happy about it.
-No Twins Attached
Dear No Twins Attached,
How phenomenal that your girlfriend is a twin! From soul mates to rivals, twins exist in every way. Each set of twins is unique in dynamic. Some twins are opposites, while others seem to be the same exact person. They are an involuntary partnership, which may be either embraced or resented. Some say that there’s no deeper connection and understanding than that of a twin. It sounds like your girlfriend has a comfortable companionship with her twin. However, not every set of twins gets along or accepts the constant presence of the other. Not all twins are attached at the hip (emotionally), but when they are, it’s described as an incomparably deep bond. Psychologists report that twin counseling is similar to couples therapy. Twins are a complicated phenomenon psychologically, because they often establish a balance between them that affords no room for anyone else. This causes tension in adulthood when romantic partners enter the scene. Many twins appreciate the value in having each other, and don’t take it for granted. They may become territorial or over protective of their “other half”. They are often intellectual and physical counterparts. They will finish each other’s sentences, talk in their own language, or even wear the same things. They are a pair. Their relation to each other is often how they identify themselves. It’s common in many households for twins to be raised as one being. Instead of being recognized as separate people, they are referred to as “the twins”. One of the most challenging things for twins to do as adults is become individuals apart from each other. Perhaps your girlfriend is more comfortable separating herself, while her twin is having a hard time individualizing. From her point of view, it has been just the two of them all this time, and then you came long to disrupt the flow. She naturally feels like she is competing with you for your girlfriend’s attention and affection, because she is. It’s challenging for some twins to disconnect, because of the history of their companionship. Twins are accustomed to always having each other. From your point of view, when you began dating your girlfriend, you didn’t sign up to date her twin too. You don’t want their (annoying) bond to invade the intimacy of your love. It feels like there are three of you in the relationship. Not good. What you are witnessing is an identity crisis, and the tender process of individuation. The real issue here is that she is your girlfriend’s family. That is the bottom line. Like a nagging Mother in Law, over bearing Father in Law, or high maintenance childhood pet, the twin comes in your girlfriend’s package deal. As time goes on, twins learn to function in the world without their sister or brother by their side at all times. They will always be twins, and that is a very special gift life has given them. As irritating as it might be, I think it would be big of you to allow her sister to stay with you TEMPORARILY, as long as there is a mutual respect. This is something they have to work on out of respect for you. Her twin will always be a part of her life and you cannot and should not try to change that. However, you are now an important piece of the puzzle too, and so her twin must make room for you. Maybe you can help her find a boyfriend…
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