Dear Charlie,
I’m a college graduate who has moved away for work. I enjoy my job, but I’m not making new friends. The only people I know are the people I work with and I see them enough on a daily basis. I don’t want to hang out with them outside of work too. My good friends from college are all in different places. I just don’t know how I’m going to meet people and I’m going nuts.
-Lonely Working Girl
Dear Lonely Working Girl,
College is such a social atmosphere. It’s so easy to meet people there because campuses promote collective activities. In a college; you’ve got a population of (mostly) same age students living in the same vicinity, doing the same things and constantly interacting. It's a special time. Too bad we can't stay in college forever. It the easiest place in the world to connect with people. Colleges set you up to meet people your age. College dorms practically hand you your friends. People living on the same floor or in the same building may have differences, but they have so much in common that they adapt to each other. They're all going to class! People leave their dorm rooms open and study in public places where many others are studying. Someone is always having a party, and classes are rooms full of people the same age. The chance that you will connect with someone there is highly likely. Most universities dominate the entire city they dwell in too. Take for instance Cambridge, Massachusetts. The streets of Cambridge run ramped with mainly one kind of person: Harvard University and MIT students. They're in the restaurants, bars, convenient stores, etc. You will find friends there if you are among them. Outside of the college culture, there’s every age and type of person to reckon with. Naturally since your day consists of going to work and coming home, there’ no social network for you to tap into. You’re right; it’s hard to meet people outside of college, a lot harder. I think you need to get involved in “extracurricular activities” if you want to meet people. This is just something that people in the real world have to do. You should keep your connections with your college friends going. It's good for you. Stay connected to a fun and productive part of your past. Since you only really have the evening and weekend hours to work with, you should utilize them with hobbies. Do you like to exercise? That’s always a fun way to meet people. Just get out and start doing things. Maybe you can take yourself to the movies. You might feel silly by yourself, but people are attracted to independence so you might be surprised who you meet. The worst thing you could do is go home and sit on your computer all night. Unless you’re into online meet up groups and stuff like that. You should go out and actually make an appearance in the world. By putting yourself out there, you will attract others like you. Look for events in the area. It’s like you’re the new kid all over again, only this time you don’t have the age advantage in an organized and controlled environment. Accept every invitation that comes your way. It may take hanging out with people you don't really mesh with, to help you network with people you will mesh with. I accepted a dinner party invitation from a girl whom annoyed me, because I considered her to be seriously snobby. At her dinner party, I met someone really cool and down to Earth. Who knew!? You will often find connections in the least likely or most surprising places. It takes some time to settle your roots in a new pot, but it will happen. Be patient too, because it may be a few months or even a year (yikes) before you really find your new friends. Even if you feel silly, just do it. You have to do what you have to do to adjust during this awkward phase. Get creative. Don’t be afraid to break out of your shell and do the things always wanted to do, even if you’re alone. Now is your time. Yoga worked for me. Music lessons? Dance class? Join a group that focuses on a cause you care about. Save the environment? Political activities? When one of my friends moved and was having hard time meeting people, she joined the “Save Darfur Coalition” and met some neat people to hang out with. If you are a creative person, join an improve troupe or something. Groups like this make fun buddies. It will happen for you. You just have to make an ongoing effort to put yourself out there.
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Endless Job Hunt
Dear Charlie,
I can’t find a job! I lost my job several months ago and have been out of work since. I’m in marketing but considered being a waitress to make ends meet. Every time I go to an interview, there are about 30 other candidates waiting in line, or even worse, it’s a group meeting. I’m so frustrated. I have been pursuing a job that I really want, but the interview process has continued on for 2 months now. I still don’t know if I’m hired or not. I don’t know what I’m going to do!
-Desperately Seeking Employment
Dear Desperately Seeking Employment,
People may feel that they are all in the same boat here, but the boat is small and running out of room! The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported this month that the current unemployment rate of household persons is up to 9.9 %! Some states have an unemployment rate as high as 9.6 (Michigan). In NY it’s up to 6.1 and most states fall somewhere in between, but this is serious and not to be taken lightly. Some feel it has become a global crisis, but this is definitely the most talked about issue in America to date. We are far from improvement too. Former Clinton Labor Secretary Robert Reich wrote “many outsourced jobs will never return, and median income will likely continue to fall as it did during the last so-called recovery.” CNBC reporter Rick Santelli states; “I'm assuming the economy is going to be mediocre for many years, three to five, meaning 2 percent to 3 percent growth is going to be good. If it gets better than that, I think interest rates will rush up much more aggressively in 2011.” Even teenagers are discovering there are no jobs to be found. Everyone is suffering right now (save for lifestyles of the lavishly unscathed). For working class people, this has become a rather desperate situation on a NATIONAL scale. People report that they’ve applied for hundreds of online jobs without even receiving a response, or “thank you for applying but…” Some have gone to great lengths, like Chris Adams in Sacramento, CA who stands on a street corner in a suit and tie with a sign that says “Hire me”. Another man became homeless after being laid off from an IT position 19 months ago at a major software company. He is able to live off of his frequent flier miles by budgeting $5 a day for food, and looking for hotels with free breakfasts. He must have traveled a lot to rack up those points! Census jobs had more competition than ever this year too, with everyone from the legal field to former medical staff in the running. As you can see, our current unemployment is like a bowl of soup that spilled in the fridge; pouring onto everything and now it's all soiled. How disastrous. An “economy” by Wiki definition is “the end result of a process that involves its technological evolution, history and social organization, as well as its geography, natural resource endowment, and ecology, as main factors.” It takes forever to build and when it crashes, you’ve got a real mess on your hands. Incapacitating unemployment is to follow. As for your personal situation, some employers are MAJORLY taking advantage of job hunters right now.. A friend of mine who was laid off also began pursuing a job which was stretched out for a couple months. After all she went through, she was finally given the “offer” to work the job for 2 weeks FOR FREE, before the company officially decided who was the best candidate! It’s unbelievable. It is not fair nor right, because you are at their mercy. You may decide that your dignity is more important than being a puppet on a string. Good for you! If you are at a breaking point, then I see no harm in straight forward questions; “I’m unclear whether I have been employed by you or not.” A boss that strings you along in an interview is also not going to be any fun to work for. You don’t know whether to continue your job search or end it, so they should be up front with you. I know, I know. You are probably following all the right steps to get hired, but there are quadruple the amount of applicants. One of my friends started making personalized greeting cards to try and charm prospective employers. She still hasn’t gotten any bites yet! People are finding they have to work extremely hard to stand out and get noticed in ways they never did before. People who always had job security before, are now experiencing the loss of financial stability. It’s scary when you are completely rattled by surprise unemployment topped with a national crisis. These cold realities are hard for Americans, but they build character. I think you are doing the absolute right thing by taking a waitress gig (if you can find one!). You do what you have to do when times are tough. That’s just it. I know it’s a shock that you find yourself in this situation, but life is not perfect the way we have been conditioned to believe it is. Our modern society has made life easy for us, but it is not flawless. After all, aren't we just creatures inhabiting a wild planet? This is a time for many Americans to reassess themselves. Maybe your life is leading you in another direction, on a large scale. I don’t think anyone has the answer to fix this problem, because it is bigger than you and me. Just keep trying to get creative and hopefully you will score. Don’t take any crap, but assert yourself politely. You can only do so much, and then you just pray! This too shall pass.
I can’t find a job! I lost my job several months ago and have been out of work since. I’m in marketing but considered being a waitress to make ends meet. Every time I go to an interview, there are about 30 other candidates waiting in line, or even worse, it’s a group meeting. I’m so frustrated. I have been pursuing a job that I really want, but the interview process has continued on for 2 months now. I still don’t know if I’m hired or not. I don’t know what I’m going to do!
-Desperately Seeking Employment
Dear Desperately Seeking Employment,
People may feel that they are all in the same boat here, but the boat is small and running out of room! The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported this month that the current unemployment rate of household persons is up to 9.9 %! Some states have an unemployment rate as high as 9.6 (Michigan). In NY it’s up to 6.1 and most states fall somewhere in between, but this is serious and not to be taken lightly. Some feel it has become a global crisis, but this is definitely the most talked about issue in America to date. We are far from improvement too. Former Clinton Labor Secretary Robert Reich wrote “many outsourced jobs will never return, and median income will likely continue to fall as it did during the last so-called recovery.” CNBC reporter Rick Santelli states; “I'm assuming the economy is going to be mediocre for many years, three to five, meaning 2 percent to 3 percent growth is going to be good. If it gets better than that, I think interest rates will rush up much more aggressively in 2011.” Even teenagers are discovering there are no jobs to be found. Everyone is suffering right now (save for lifestyles of the lavishly unscathed). For working class people, this has become a rather desperate situation on a NATIONAL scale. People report that they’ve applied for hundreds of online jobs without even receiving a response, or “thank you for applying but…” Some have gone to great lengths, like Chris Adams in Sacramento, CA who stands on a street corner in a suit and tie with a sign that says “Hire me”. Another man became homeless after being laid off from an IT position 19 months ago at a major software company. He is able to live off of his frequent flier miles by budgeting $5 a day for food, and looking for hotels with free breakfasts. He must have traveled a lot to rack up those points! Census jobs had more competition than ever this year too, with everyone from the legal field to former medical staff in the running. As you can see, our current unemployment is like a bowl of soup that spilled in the fridge; pouring onto everything and now it's all soiled. How disastrous. An “economy” by Wiki definition is “the end result of a process that involves its technological evolution, history and social organization, as well as its geography, natural resource endowment, and ecology, as main factors.” It takes forever to build and when it crashes, you’ve got a real mess on your hands. Incapacitating unemployment is to follow. As for your personal situation, some employers are MAJORLY taking advantage of job hunters right now.. A friend of mine who was laid off also began pursuing a job which was stretched out for a couple months. After all she went through, she was finally given the “offer” to work the job for 2 weeks FOR FREE, before the company officially decided who was the best candidate! It’s unbelievable. It is not fair nor right, because you are at their mercy. You may decide that your dignity is more important than being a puppet on a string. Good for you! If you are at a breaking point, then I see no harm in straight forward questions; “I’m unclear whether I have been employed by you or not.” A boss that strings you along in an interview is also not going to be any fun to work for. You don’t know whether to continue your job search or end it, so they should be up front with you. I know, I know. You are probably following all the right steps to get hired, but there are quadruple the amount of applicants. One of my friends started making personalized greeting cards to try and charm prospective employers. She still hasn’t gotten any bites yet! People are finding they have to work extremely hard to stand out and get noticed in ways they never did before. People who always had job security before, are now experiencing the loss of financial stability. It’s scary when you are completely rattled by surprise unemployment topped with a national crisis. These cold realities are hard for Americans, but they build character. I think you are doing the absolute right thing by taking a waitress gig (if you can find one!). You do what you have to do when times are tough. That’s just it. I know it’s a shock that you find yourself in this situation, but life is not perfect the way we have been conditioned to believe it is. Our modern society has made life easy for us, but it is not flawless. After all, aren't we just creatures inhabiting a wild planet? This is a time for many Americans to reassess themselves. Maybe your life is leading you in another direction, on a large scale. I don’t think anyone has the answer to fix this problem, because it is bigger than you and me. Just keep trying to get creative and hopefully you will score. Don’t take any crap, but assert yourself politely. You can only do so much, and then you just pray! This too shall pass.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Eating Stress Away
Dear Charlie,
I have a very stressful job. I feel like I’m working all the time but I have to pay my bills. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to support myself living alone in this beautiful apartment, which is very nice. I feel like I can’t afford the time to enjoy the things that I work so hard to pay for. I'm always stressed out. I exercise, but I find that when things get really stressful, I tend to eat. I can’t help it. I find myself curled up on the couch with ice cream, chips, popcorn or cookies most nights. I didn’t used to be like this, but now I’m gaining weight from it. I just keep eating. I don’t know how to stop. I am miserable.
-Stress Eater
Dear Stress Eater,
“All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy” x 1,000,000 -Jack Nicholson, The Shining. Given the fact that you are probably not mentally ill, neither being possessed by a homicidal ghost, nor living in an abandoned Hotel in the Mountains, you will probably never amount to such extreme levels of insanity. I do think that you need some balance in your life though, or you will go nutty. You admitted it; you eat your way through stress. Research binge eating. There's plenty of information and support out there for you. Comfort food cravings are increased with stress. Eating sugary carbs elevates more sugary carb cravings. Welcome to one of the most common weight gain issues of the century. If you’re going to be impulsive about something, it would behoove you to condition yourself to like something healthy and productive for your body. There's this song and dance; when you exercise, you release positive endorphins in your body (which is like taking a shot of happiness). Why not turn this into a 2 for 1 deal? Food is not the enemy, but it effects your physical appearance. You must replace this habit with a hobby, and preferably an active one. Give yourself rewards for being "good", but learn to like healthier options. If you insist on being lazy, then simply make the adjustment of closing the kitchen at 7PM and only eating bad early in the day. An “everything in moderation” axiom must be put into effect. Maybe you can start walking those cravings away? Buy a bike? Journalize? Clean? Paint? Do improv.? Help someone in need? Different kinds of yoga are famous for helping people feel centered. Music has healing powers too. It sounds like you have some depression going on, whether it’s something you are prone to, clinical, or just episodic. Some people go on meds, other people want nothing to do with them. Some depression is just situational and goes away when things change or get better. Other times it’s more serious. Not everyone can afford therapy nor wants it. It’s hard to dig yourself out of a rut, but by empowering yourself, you will feel your mood lifted. You’re doing the right thing by reaching out online for support. It’s unfortunate when your personal life lacks that, but it’s a reality for many. Not everyone is a social butterfly by nature and not everyone has a rock star support system to turn to. Here’s a thought; activities can lead to friends. Friends offer support. Who knows the possibilities therein… The stress vs. depression and comfort eating is a cycle I have battled with myself. Believe me; I am with you on this challenge. I used to eat chocolate whenever I was stressed. That adds up over time, and I became more “round”. I eventually didn’t know whose caboose that was in the mirror. It didn’t look like mine. I had to condition myself to enjoy taking walks instead. I had to retrain myself not to eat when I wasn’t hungry, and when I was, to eat for nutrition. Sometimes you don’t want to leave your apartment because you just want to be alone, but you can go for a walk without engaging people. Get lost in your own solitude and tune everyone out. Be in your own little world. It’s fun and it’s your right. It can be very therapeutic to spend alone time somewhere tranquil. If you’re in NYC, there’s not a lot of space like that beyond Central Park, but you should seek nature one way or another. That’s something people who live in really big cities can become deprived of. I believe that’s one thing that makes some New Yorkers absolutely miserable. We need nature and we should seek it from time to time. Last but not least, you may want to step back and re-evaluate your ideals. Is it more important to have nice things and pay a fortune for luxuries you can never afford the time to use? Or would you maybe be happier with a down sized apartment, less demanding job, more hobbies, and a personal life (maybe even a reasonable roommate too)? The choice is yours… what is life about anyways?
I have a very stressful job. I feel like I’m working all the time but I have to pay my bills. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to support myself living alone in this beautiful apartment, which is very nice. I feel like I can’t afford the time to enjoy the things that I work so hard to pay for. I'm always stressed out. I exercise, but I find that when things get really stressful, I tend to eat. I can’t help it. I find myself curled up on the couch with ice cream, chips, popcorn or cookies most nights. I didn’t used to be like this, but now I’m gaining weight from it. I just keep eating. I don’t know how to stop. I am miserable.
-Stress Eater
Dear Stress Eater,
“All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy” x 1,000,000 -Jack Nicholson, The Shining. Given the fact that you are probably not mentally ill, neither being possessed by a homicidal ghost, nor living in an abandoned Hotel in the Mountains, you will probably never amount to such extreme levels of insanity. I do think that you need some balance in your life though, or you will go nutty. You admitted it; you eat your way through stress. Research binge eating. There's plenty of information and support out there for you. Comfort food cravings are increased with stress. Eating sugary carbs elevates more sugary carb cravings. Welcome to one of the most common weight gain issues of the century. If you’re going to be impulsive about something, it would behoove you to condition yourself to like something healthy and productive for your body. There's this song and dance; when you exercise, you release positive endorphins in your body (which is like taking a shot of happiness). Why not turn this into a 2 for 1 deal? Food is not the enemy, but it effects your physical appearance. You must replace this habit with a hobby, and preferably an active one. Give yourself rewards for being "good", but learn to like healthier options. If you insist on being lazy, then simply make the adjustment of closing the kitchen at 7PM and only eating bad early in the day. An “everything in moderation” axiom must be put into effect. Maybe you can start walking those cravings away? Buy a bike? Journalize? Clean? Paint? Do improv.? Help someone in need? Different kinds of yoga are famous for helping people feel centered. Music has healing powers too. It sounds like you have some depression going on, whether it’s something you are prone to, clinical, or just episodic. Some people go on meds, other people want nothing to do with them. Some depression is just situational and goes away when things change or get better. Other times it’s more serious. Not everyone can afford therapy nor wants it. It’s hard to dig yourself out of a rut, but by empowering yourself, you will feel your mood lifted. You’re doing the right thing by reaching out online for support. It’s unfortunate when your personal life lacks that, but it’s a reality for many. Not everyone is a social butterfly by nature and not everyone has a rock star support system to turn to. Here’s a thought; activities can lead to friends. Friends offer support. Who knows the possibilities therein… The stress vs. depression and comfort eating is a cycle I have battled with myself. Believe me; I am with you on this challenge. I used to eat chocolate whenever I was stressed. That adds up over time, and I became more “round”. I eventually didn’t know whose caboose that was in the mirror. It didn’t look like mine. I had to condition myself to enjoy taking walks instead. I had to retrain myself not to eat when I wasn’t hungry, and when I was, to eat for nutrition. Sometimes you don’t want to leave your apartment because you just want to be alone, but you can go for a walk without engaging people. Get lost in your own solitude and tune everyone out. Be in your own little world. It’s fun and it’s your right. It can be very therapeutic to spend alone time somewhere tranquil. If you’re in NYC, there’s not a lot of space like that beyond Central Park, but you should seek nature one way or another. That’s something people who live in really big cities can become deprived of. I believe that’s one thing that makes some New Yorkers absolutely miserable. We need nature and we should seek it from time to time. Last but not least, you may want to step back and re-evaluate your ideals. Is it more important to have nice things and pay a fortune for luxuries you can never afford the time to use? Or would you maybe be happier with a down sized apartment, less demanding job, more hobbies, and a personal life (maybe even a reasonable roommate too)? The choice is yours… what is life about anyways?
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