Dear Charlie,
I’m a college graduate who has moved away for work. I enjoy my job, but I’m not making new friends. The only people I know are the people I work with and I see them enough on a daily basis. I don’t want to hang out with them outside of work too. My good friends from college are all in different places. I just don’t know how I’m going to meet people and I’m going nuts.
-Lonely Working Girl
Dear Lonely Working Girl,
College is such a social atmosphere. It’s so easy to meet people there because campuses promote collective activities. In a college; you’ve got a population of (mostly) same age students living in the same vicinity, doing the same things and constantly interacting. It's a special time. Too bad we can't stay in college forever. It the easiest place in the world to connect with people. Colleges set you up to meet people your age. College dorms practically hand you your friends. People living on the same floor or in the same building may have differences, but they have so much in common that they adapt to each other. They're all going to class! People leave their dorm rooms open and study in public places where many others are studying. Someone is always having a party, and classes are rooms full of people the same age. The chance that you will connect with someone there is highly likely. Most universities dominate the entire city they dwell in too. Take for instance Cambridge, Massachusetts. The streets of Cambridge run ramped with mainly one kind of person: Harvard University and MIT students. They're in the restaurants, bars, convenient stores, etc. You will find friends there if you are among them. Outside of the college culture, there’s every age and type of person to reckon with. Naturally since your day consists of going to work and coming home, there’ no social network for you to tap into. You’re right; it’s hard to meet people outside of college, a lot harder. I think you need to get involved in “extracurricular activities” if you want to meet people. This is just something that people in the real world have to do. You should keep your connections with your college friends going. It's good for you. Stay connected to a fun and productive part of your past. Since you only really have the evening and weekend hours to work with, you should utilize them with hobbies. Do you like to exercise? That’s always a fun way to meet people. Just get out and start doing things. Maybe you can take yourself to the movies. You might feel silly by yourself, but people are attracted to independence so you might be surprised who you meet. The worst thing you could do is go home and sit on your computer all night. Unless you’re into online meet up groups and stuff like that. You should go out and actually make an appearance in the world. By putting yourself out there, you will attract others like you. Look for events in the area. It’s like you’re the new kid all over again, only this time you don’t have the age advantage in an organized and controlled environment. Accept every invitation that comes your way. It may take hanging out with people you don't really mesh with, to help you network with people you will mesh with. I accepted a dinner party invitation from a girl whom annoyed me, because I considered her to be seriously snobby. At her dinner party, I met someone really cool and down to Earth. Who knew!? You will often find connections in the least likely or most surprising places. It takes some time to settle your roots in a new pot, but it will happen. Be patient too, because it may be a few months or even a year (yikes) before you really find your new friends. Even if you feel silly, just do it. You have to do what you have to do to adjust during this awkward phase. Get creative. Don’t be afraid to break out of your shell and do the things always wanted to do, even if you’re alone. Now is your time. Yoga worked for me. Music lessons? Dance class? Join a group that focuses on a cause you care about. Save the environment? Political activities? When one of my friends moved and was having hard time meeting people, she joined the “Save Darfur Coalition” and met some neat people to hang out with. If you are a creative person, join an improve troupe or something. Groups like this make fun buddies. It will happen for you. You just have to make an ongoing effort to put yourself out there.
