Dear Charlie,
I’m an older woman who has always colored her hair. I like to keep up with current style trends. I do not have a mate, but I would like to find one. Lately my kids have been encouraging me to let my natural hair color grow in. It would be brave since my hair is gray now and I have never revealed it to anyone. Do you think I should keep coloring my hair to attract a boyfriend? Or let myself be natural for once?
-Hiding the Grays
Dear Hiding the Grays,
Human beings are visual creatures and first impressions really do last. We assume things about people when we look at them, whether we intend to or not. If a girl wears a short skirt and low cut top, we assume certain things about her character. The same goes for hair. You understand how style makes an impression. That being said, when I see older women donning a head of naturally aged hair, I am neither turned off nor disgusted. I find myself rather enchanted and curios about her. It's inspirational. I think it’s natural to fight the gray at first. I also think that gray hair sends the message “I’m not afraid of my age, and I have lived a full life”. It makes me want to know more about that person. I think a mature man would find this kind of confidence attractive too. You don't want a guy who is just looking for arm candy, do you? You are too good for that. I don’t know what kind of life you have lived, but I would find you more approachable if you appeared comfortable with it. Aging is a natural part of life, and it’s a shame when you feel you have to run away from it or cover it up. It’s no small wonder why anyone would feel like that. That’s what society has done to us. That's what's wrong with all of us. I would like you to know that you are completely acceptable and glorious to be the age that you are. There is room for everyone in this world. In fact, we need you. There’s too much youth and cosmetically altered “beauty” running ramped on the streets. Its polluting minds and making highly valuable people feel inadequate and unappreciated. Gray adds a lot of character and appeal to a mature woman. I think women who aren’t afraid to show their age in this society of youthful worship, appear strong and independent. An older woman with natural hair has an interesting appeal. She seems more like she doesn’t have regrets, and isn’t trying to undo the past, more than a woman with color. Dyes start to all look the same after a while. The natural color makes a person seem rather satisfied with the life they have lived, and unashamed. That’s a woman I would like to talk with. I admire it greatly. I think a lot of people feel that way, they just lack fortitude to admit it. If the people around us are making us feel inhibited about age, then we're in the wrong crowd. Gray hair is something obtained over time. You earned it and it’s your right to shine. There are those cases when someone young is experiencing premature gray growth, but that can be unique too. Society places a horrifying amount of emphasis on women to remain 20-something in body and mind. This pressure is ridiculous and unrealistic, and anyone buying into it is a fool. Youthful beauty is promoted for sales. Companies want to be rich so they create things you "need" and use manipulation for sales. What matters is who you are inside, not the clothes or the hair. You can project the inside out. Don't worry about pleasing everyone else. What about pleasing yourself? I have no need for people who want to reduce themselves to standards that disgrace the evolution and natural growth process of human beings. It’s silly. I understand being a stylish woman or having a passion for fashion, but gray hair can be quite sophisticated and fashionable. Grays and whites add a punch of color to a room full of brunettes and blonds. Chemically enhanced hair is a dime a dozen. How else would hair stylists stay employed? When you see a woman with gray roots, I think it sends the message that she is not comfortable with aging. I say embrace your age, and find a man who is on the same page, who will appreciate you for who and what you are. What better way to be yourself than to look your age? I know some men who feel that hair color is false advertising. Ha! If you are of a certain age where your hair is no longer the texture or color it once was, I don’t think that’s a loss. I think that’s an inheritance. You have inherited an appeal which shows you have lived and seen many things. Be free. If you want to keep maintaining a youthful appearance by coloring it, then that is your choice. There’s nothing wrong with being artistic or wanting to enhance the color of something. I colored my hair for 2 decades. You can also enhance your gray or brighten your white with a toner, without altering the color too much. What this world needs are more people who are willing to set a good, solid example to us young fools by being themselves. We need heroes. Anyone who confidently struts their natural hair color is a hero in my book. We need people to remind us that it’s acceptable to be what you are. The more the better! There’s room for every age and type in this world. We need older people to make us feel that life is a gift, and that aging is a wonderful part of that. Quite frankly, sometimes I can’t wait to be older so that I don’t have to deal with harsh modern day pressures. I guess I think that aging gives the green light to cast your cares to the wind. I really think society needs older and wiser folks to come out of hiding. What are we so afraid of anyways? That the girl in the magazine ad will be more beautiful than us? Big deal. Where is the depth and maturity? Where is the soul? Where is the beautiful older woman with her natural hair, showing me that I am acceptable at any age? I have seen many attractive older ladies, with beautiful long locks of silver, gray or snow white. They are a breath of fresh air every time. Thus, I am rooting for the grays. Your children love you and have a wonderful idea…
