Dear Charlie,
I know a lady with a beautiful smile. We are not necessarily friends, but I interact with her on a regular basis. She seems like a lovely person from what I can see, but our conversations only go as far as “hello, how are you?” and “thank you, have a good day”. The thing is that she is extremely obese. I love health and practice yoga regularly. I have always cared about people’s health. When I see this woman, I want her to live a better life. She is such a nice person to be around, but I feel that her weight is stopping her from living the quality life that she could be living. I want to reach out to her, but don’t know how to do it without sounding rude. She is always eating and seems comfortable in her skin. Even if her weight is genetic, I feel that some minor adjustments to her diet and lifestyle could make a world of difference. How can I lend a hand without offending her?
-Practicing Namaste
Dear Practicing Namaste,
It’s incredibly sweet of you to want to help this woman. The problem is that you know nothing about her. You also don’t really know each other. You don’t want to come across as a volunteer coach to someone who didn't ask for advice and doesn’t want any. That would be a quick and easy way to get on their bad side. Do you just want to help this woman lose weight? Or do you want to be her friend? Hopefully you want to be her friend, because that would mean you really care. Otherwise, I would say it’s not your place to get involved here. If you’re not really interested in being friends with her, then it’s possible that your concern about her is shallower than you’d like to admit. You can only assume so much by looking at someone on the surface. There could be many complications to their life and all kinds of things that you don’t know about them. It’s no one’s place to decide what’s right for another person, especially a stranger. All you know is what you see here; which is a woman who could afford to lose some weight in your opinion. It would be different if she asked for your assistance. People, who approach strangers with concerns about their weight, just send the message that they are disgusted by looking at them (which is incredibly rude). You also don’t want the ulterior motive for your entire friendship to be about trimming her down to size. If you’re going to help, you first need to establish a level of trust. Remember that friendships, like relationships, are built on mutual respect and trust. There are many ways to help our friends lose weight, without being pushy or oppressive about it. Make her feel comfortable and accepted. In other words: be her friend. A real friend cares deeply. If you become friends, you must give it some time before you approach her weight issue. As her friend, share your passion for health with her. You can do so tactfully by incorporating health topics into your conversation. See how she responds, because she must show interest. If she does show interest, then continue to be supportive and understanding, yet consistently encouraging. Maybe you could playfully invite her to a yoga class, and ensure that every kind (shape and size) of person practices yoga. You could enlighten her by sharing success stories about the many people who have battled weight issues with yoga and other healthy exercise forms. You must express that you care about her as a whole, and not just her weight problem. If you’re lucky, you will be able to level with her in such a way that she becomes inspired to help herself. You may find over time that she shies away from your advances and wants nothing to do with it. Ultimately it’s her choice. You may not be able to get through to this particular woman, but there are a lot of people in the world with similar problems who want help. Some say it’s better to let the problems come to you, than to go after them unwarranted. I appreciate your proactive attitude towards health. You could set a great example to others on a larger scale. You have a passion for helping people, so why not combine that with your passion for health and become a yoga instructor or something? I wish you luck. Maybe once you are certified, you could pay her a visit and invite her to join your class? This field could be a really appropriate life path for you. Let me know what happens!
