Dear Charlie,
My boyfriend and I were taking a trip and needed someone to watch our dog while we were away. I met one of our neighbors in the hall and she agreed to do it for some pay. Since we’ve been back, this neighbor seems to have become my voluntary new best friend. She texts me all day long and if I don’t respond, she just comes right over! It’s so annoying. I feel like I have no privacy in my own home from this girl. I left a note on my door for my boyfriend the other day, and I spied her reading it! She is so nosy! I try to be polite when I see her but she takes it as an invitation to hang out. I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to dodge her. Just because I needed a dog sitter, didn’t mean I was signing up for an instant friend. Make her go away!
-Neighbor in Hiding
Dear Neighbor in Hiding,
Come out, come out, wherever you are?! Good Lord. You seem to have gotten into a sticky wicket here. It seems that someone made themselves quite at home in your place while you were gone. Your neighbor’s neurotic needs are almost amusing. I can just see this as a comedy sketch on SNL; a wacky/clingy neighbor who pops in on every whim. You’re probably kicking yourself right now for having given her the dog sitting responsibility in the first place. Sometimes weirdos are hard to peg at first glance. They come in many forms and disguises. You were probably in a tight bind to find someone for your dog, and she was conveniently available. Well now we know why! She has now attached herself to your hip and is behaving like an extremely needy, psychotic girlfriend. Let’s just hope she didn’t make a copy of your apartment key! Not to mention, who knows what she did in there while you were away? Are you missing anything? Don’t be surprised if you catch her wearing your favorite skirt one day. I wouldn't be all that shocked if she openly admitted it too; “Oh, I borrowed your skirt! Do you like it on me!?” Ha! OK, so it was a mistake letting her into your life (even as a dog sitter), but who saw that coming?? How were you supposed to know she would turn out to be a lunatic? It’s always risky business when it comes to trusting someone in your home. Many people are discouraged from hiring a professional pet care companies because of the rates. People commonly find a friend or someone nearby to take care of their apartment, pets or children because it’s just easier.
In a situation where moving seems like the ideal escape from a psycho in the hood’, not everyone has that capability. This is a matter of establishing privacy and boundaries with a practical stranger. If she is so unaware of her behavior and how it affects other people, then it’s likely she’s unaware of a lot of things. She doesn’t sound like the brightest crayon in the box. You can use her loony character to your advantage. If she’s ridiculous enough to behave this way, then you are free to respond in equally ridiculous ways. Don’t answer her calls, texts or even the door when she comes knocking. You are entitled to be busy, on the phone, having quiet time, or simply not available. You didn’t agree to have an open revolving door to your neighbors when you signed the lease. Be straight with her, and even rude. Some people have to be hit over the head with a brick in order to get the message. When you see her, don’t be warm, open, inviting or friendly. Be uncomfortable and cold, because that’s how you really feel. Show her the truth. She will take the hint. You don’t want to be friends. No? You can make that clear with body language and lack of acknowledgment etc. There are ways to let people know that they are annoying you. Your kindness only encourages her to keep pursuing your “friendship” (that she created in her head). Sometimes people just need us more than we need them. It’s neither right nor wrong. Someone else may come along and appreciate her in ways you do not. It's flattering that she took a liking to you but for you personally, she is not a compatible fit as your friend. Don’t be afraid to convey this to her, even if it hurts her feelings. Otherwise, she never will go away just like you fear. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it can also be freeing. Let her down easy by simply avoiding her and if you run into her, don’t stop and chat. Tell her you are a busy person and keep moving. If you have to resort to “DO NOT DISTURB” signs on your door, then she should be adept in reading them (according to her note-reading history). You have to be relentless with people like this. I have talked loudly on the phone behind my door when someone (I didn’t want to see) paid me a surprise visit. They could clearly hear that I was home, but as far as I was concerned, I was busy and that was none of their business. You paid her for watching your dog. You don't owe her anything.
If you want to get a rise out of her, you could leave another note on your door that is addressed to your boyfriend, but is actually a note to her in disguise. When opened, it will say; “if this letter is not addressed to you, then you should not be reading it. That goes for you (insert name). I don’t appreciate nosy neighbors“. You could really mess with her with the door note if you wanted to. However, if you're just trying to get rid of her pesty ways without humiliation tactics, then I would suggest taking the assertive route explained above. You took a quick step forward with her when you gave her the keys to your apartment, but now it’s time to take a huge step back. If you can’t assert yourself, then I don’t know what else to tell you. Toughen your skin and be strong. If you take another trip, you best FIND SOMEONE ELSE to take care of the doggie.
