Dear Charlie,
My husband’s family has been known for ridiculous baby names. His sister’s names are Rain and Venus, and their children are named Victory and Lotus. You don’t even want to know what my boyfriend’s name is! Despite their hippy names, these people are not as weird as they sound. My issue is that I’m pregnant with our first child. They are already suggesting silly names like Zolt or Helmut for a guy, and Ocean Blue or Prairie Flower for a girl. How can I protect my child’s identity from becoming another weirdo name in the family?
-Properly Named
Dear Properly Named,
Talk about offbeat. On that note, why don’t we just name our children after the My Little Ponies? Those names are almost as bad as celebrity kids “Moon Unit”, “Pilot Inspektor”, and “Audio Science”. Some people never shed their childhood fantasies and carry these name preferences over into adulthood. In our nation boasting of “liberty and freedom”, it is your right as a parent to name your child anything you want. You could essentially name your child Boob and that would be legal. Thus a baby is at the mercy of parental sanity and rationale. Granted that the support systems remains intact, children are likely to be influenced by their parents and adopt similar personality traits. This explains your husbands family. A supportive family may pass down generations of quirky names for years and years to come. Eccentric names add spice to a common list, but beyond what looks good (to some) on paper, they can just sound loony in the world of David, John, Michael, Jennifer, Sarah, Samantha, and Ashley. People often hope that if they name their kid something really unusual, they will turn out to be an equally unique individual. There may be some truth behind this theory in the journey of establishing one’s identity, but in many cases the child undergoes traumatizing teasing amongst peers. With the ambition that a child will become a world renowned artist of sorts, the chance that a girl named “Camera” will follow a career into law or real estate also exists. Then again, how many attorneys do you know who bear names like “Poppyseed”, “Heaven”, or “Rocket”? I’m pretty sure Dr. Bubbles McHenry PhD could only exist in a fictional children’s book. Thus, the name game is an extension of our parent’s reality and sometimes even their personal fantasy. People will live vicariously through their children, or name them accordingly to their long lost dream of becoming a celebrity. They think; “if I were famous, I would change my name to “Velvet ”. They think that they are doing their child a favor by naming them that, but their child could become someone totally different from them and resent their name. It's true that some parents are thinking of themselves when they name their babies. Meanwhile, some of us want our children to establish their own identities without imposing on their journey by giving them a wacky title (that sounds cool at the moment). It's hard to fit in when your name is "Lightening", but then again, the strength of a person's character is measured by how well we adapt to life experiences. Maybe Lightening will become as strong as a lightening bolt by rising above the name calling? It’s human nature to nurture oneself and find value in your name regardless of others take on it. Different strokes for different folks. Your child's name is your call as the Mother, and you will have the final say (with your husband's approval). They can name their children anything they want, but YOU have all the right in the world to name YOUR child whatever YOU want. Your husband and you should decide together on a name, and compromise. If he only likes these kinds of names, then suggest some names that have a quirky flare without being so far-fetched. Maybe you can compromise on a more main stream first name and a quirky middle name. This way you give the child the freedom to go by their first or middle name depending on their personality. Ultimately, it’s your decision. Let his family make all the suggestions they want, and simply smile and nod. If they push you to pick a name, simply firmly tell them “WE haven’t decided yet.” When it comes time to have the baby, you will decide on your own and present it to them after its official and they have no say in the matter. Don’t sweat their silly suggestions, and proudly stand your ground on your own suggestions. You are allowed to have your own taste apart from them. You are in their family, but you were an individual before you knew them and you are entitled to have differences. You can respectfully agree to disagree. Marriage is a partnership and so is everything that comes with it. It’s not their place to decide what your child’s name will be. That’s between you and your husband, of which you must come to a shared agreement.
