Dear Charlie,
I have a friend whom I have spent a lot of time with. She has always been a little on the clingy side. We often go shopping together and she will buy the same thing as me. I recently had a major makeover. I cut and colored my hair drastically. Only a week later, my friend surprised me by getting the same exact hair style. Now I am avoiding her because I find it creepy. I feel like she wants to be me. Am I overreacting? Or is this legitimately weird?
-An INDIVIDUAL
Dear Individual,
Sounds like a case of the copy cat friend. You must have great taste! Your friend admires you greatly, which is a compliment. However it’s also possible that your friend idolizes you, which is flattering, but some people would find it hard to level with someone who places them on a pedestal. Just like celebrities don’t typically befriend their fans on a personal level, you may naturally feel uncomfortable and annoyed with her monkey-see monkey-do antics. This is not abnormal behavior between friends. There are many reasons as to why someone might be prone to mimicking a friend’s every move. Perhaps she is just very needy and still trying to find herself, trying on your exciting looks in the process. It’s like when little girls try on their mother’s shoes. Perhaps she is easily influenced and is identifying herself with you? Perhaps she imitates you so that she can learn how to be like you? She probably looks up to you. Then again, maybe she feels she has to compete with you, and so she tries to one up your style by doing it too? Or maybe she genuinely loves your style and can’t help herself from following suite, trusting that you will understand? Then there’s the possibility that you are just a very inspirational and creative person to others? People respond differently to being idolized. Some people live for being worshiped and take it as an opportunity to style or shape those around them. Some people love the limelight and being highly influential, while others are more put off by so much attention and want nothing to do with it. I’d say that for your personality type, this friendship is no longer working for you since you want to sever your ties over it. I would take that as a sign that you are not as close as maybe you once were. If there are other things that bother you about her, then perhaps her copy cat attitude is the last straw. Just remember that if you decide to let her go, she will probably be hurt since she is so attached to you. If you find one day that you regret your decision to cut her out entirely and want to reconnect, you may not be welcomed with open arms. Be prepared for whatever she may have waiting for you if you do try to return to this friendship. People go through phases and transitions and sometimes a friendship that once served a great purpose, becomes stale or no longer productive. I’d say f you’re going to be done with her, then look at it as a life pivotal moment and walk away without looking back. Friends come into our lives for different durations. Some serve a life-long purpose, while others are more situational. There are plenty of ways you can become "busy". People change.
P.S.
If you want to conduct a little experiment for your own entertainment to see how far she is willing to go, then maybe you could try something even more outrageous. See if she still mimics you when you dye your hair bright pink (the cheap color that washes right out). If you have gone as far as shaving your head and she's still copying you, then I give up! At that point you will know that you have a 100% pure unadulterated wannabe clone on your hands, and I would sleep with one eye open!
