Dear Charlie,
When I was a kid, my mother taught us to be comfortable with our bodies. We often saw her naked as she would change with the door open or go to the bathroom in front of us. Nobody made a big deal out of it then, but as I got older I realized that it was not common in other households. That’s when I started to voice my discomfort. Yet still my Mother would continue to "forget" to wear underwear or sleep naked with the door open. Now I am married and when my Mother comes to visit, she is still very carefree with her body. To this day she walks around naked, goes to the bathroom with the door open, and doesn’t wear underwear. It’s embarrassing and upsets me because I have asked her to cover up and do these things behind closed doors. She insists that it’s normal in other countries, that she likes to be naked, and that I shouldn’t make it an issue. I want her to cover up because I don’t want my husband to walk in and find her in the buff. It would be humiliating. Please help me with this.
-Indecent Exposure
Dear Indecent Exposure,
You should send your mother a brochure to a nudist colony since she would fit right in. Your discomfort seeing your Mother naked seems natural to me. When you were kids, it was OK because children are attached to their Mother’s hip. It would be virtually impossible for an infant or child to not see their Mother naked at one point or another. A lot of moms will be naked in front of their babies and children. It’s not anything sexual or weird, Mothers are just too busy raising a family to care. Being a mom is a selfless position. You give your life to your child, so covering up is not always a priority. It sounds like your mother got comfortable in her Birthday suit, and simply never wanted to take it off. Perhaps there comes a time when modesty is a necessary lesson to teach to a growing and developing child. Certainly as adults, it’s proper to cover up our bodily “private parts”. The age when a child is beginning to explore their sexuality, is an exceptionally good cut off point. Have you told your husband about your Mother’s habits? Explain to him what she does and how it bothers you. This will let him know where you stand, and give him fair warning for her future nudist escapades (which he may find amusing). Despite your Mother’s comfort being naked, not everyone feels the way she does and she should respect people's boundaries. Has she noticed when she’s out on the street that everyone is clothed? There’s a reason for that. Your home is not a nudist zone, and you simply don’t welcome that behavior. It’s not too much to ask that she refrain from nudity in front of you. You don’t have to be rude as; “I don’t want to see that!” Just tell your mother that if she cannot respect your wishes for modesty as an adult in your home, then she can’t come over. She is free to do as she pleases in her own home, but you are not comfortable with it in yours. Despite what she may consider commonplace in other countries, here in America it is not normal for two adults (who aren’t romantically involved) to expose themselves in front of each other. Sometimes my friends and I change in front of each other, but even that is done with respectful conscious awareness of nudist opinions. Although there may be more nudist resorts in other countries, nudity is pretty much viewed the same on a world-wide scale. Some people are liberal and want to exercise their freedom, but most people agree that this kind of nudity is inappropriate, including the law. Therefore if your Mother can’t cover up out of respect for your boundaries, then she must do it out of respect for the boundaries of the law since. The fact that it’s illegal to be naked in public areas and will result in arrest, helps your case. Chances are that your Mother is completely aware of all of this, but simply wants it to be acceptable in her inner circle and family. You have every right to want your Mother to be respectful of you if this makes you uncomfortable. Just like she has her reasons for wanting to be naked, you have your reasons for wanting to be clothed. If she can find no basis for understanding the philosophy behind why people cover themselves up, then simply demand that she respect your personal feelings on the matter. Maybe one day when you are a mother, you will better understand how she got to that point. Then again, perhaps her parents were the same way and passed this trait down to her. Some people are just very natural and would prefer to live in a community where others accept their carefree comfort zones. However, in modern society, we wear clothes. Some say this is a case of “to each his own”, but I do think it’s a sensitive subject. Some people feel shocked or traumatized by seeing others naked, let alone their parents. Society has been conditioned to think about nudity in a certain way. The bottom line is that you feel this habit is improper and humiliating, and you don’t appreciate her lack of regard to your feelings. Your feelings should be respected, so go put the smack down on indecent exposure in your house.
P.S.
Maybe you can make a sign for your door that says “Clothing Required for Entry”, or “No Clothes, No Entry”. Ha ha!
