Dear Charlie,
I just moved into a new apartment. I really like it here. I have not lived in an apartment as nice and big as this before. I chose this location because it’s quiet. I’m from the suburbs and am used to quiet nights, but I wanted to experience city life. I have just discovered that my neighbor across the hall likes to keep late hours. This means she blasts her music and it goes on til the wee hours of the morning. I am so annoyed because I find it rude. I don’t know how to handle this problem without making things weird between me and her, when I haven’t even introduced myself yet. How should I approach this?
-Noisy Nights
Dear Noisy Nights,
Ah the good old selfish prick neighbor. Welcome to city life. This is a classic case of which most people can relate. There is strength in numbers here but it’s best to shop all your options. I’d say if you’re down right dirty, feel free to call the cops on her without warning and laugh as she gets busted. However, if you live in a really big city, they may not ever show up because they have way more serious priorities to tend to over a mere noise complaint. This tactic could also backfire on you regarding how many neighbors you have, because she may figure out who is responsible for ratting her out. You don't want this to turn into an ongoing vengeful battle reminiscent of Grumpy Old Men. Who knows who you are dealing with?! She could have a substance abuse problem for all you know, which isn't entirely unlikely. If you live in a big building, who cares if you have to tell her to shutup because you have to sleep, and that may be more important to you than making friends or seeking neighborly approval, which she can obviously relate to. Sometimes it’s best to nip this one in the butt. If you live in a smaller building, that could make things uncomfortable, but you may not run into her often and you don't owe her anything just because you live nearby. Look, she's not being "nice" by worrying about your feelings, so why should you waste your time worrying about hers? Don’t be afraid to confront her head-on, because if you don't take action, you're the one who is going to suffer. Meanwhile she is having a grand old time at your expense, doing whatever it is she can't refrain from doing during hours when most human beings function. Everyone likes to cut loose once in a while, but people who cling to it on a nightly basis tend to be unbalanced individuals. You don’t have time for this and she should know better. She might pretend she didn't realize how loud it was, and play the victim, but that's when you will know the extent of her character. Use it to your advantage. Like I said, you never know who you are dealing with. In an extreme case, she could end up being completely disrespectful and slam the door on your face, in which case, you will adjust your decision. But... she could just be a fun girl who often makes foolish mistakes (like the rest of us), in which case, you just made a new friend. Keep in mind that you are not obligated to be friends just because you inhabit the same building and this is ultimately an invasion of your privacy. Maybe you could rally with the others and share your frustration, and collectively assert her on the matter in some way. A letter in the lobby? Under her door? On her mailbox? Or a group visit! Ha! You do not have to get involved with her just because you complained about her noisiness. You may want to put in a call to your landlord but who knows how much they will care either. In NYC, the apartment vacancy turn-over rate is so high, most people keep to themselves and don’t even bother to get involved with neighbors unless they are really grounded and settled. Many people avoid neighboring inhabitants. If you don’t mind being assertive, go to her damn door, knock on it in your pajamas (making sure to look extra frazzled and disrupted) so she can clearly see you are trying to sleep, and ask her politely to turn it down. If you play the sympathy card, she may respond positively; "I always wished I was cool enough to be a nocturnal person, but it's not for me". If this is not a continuous habit of hers however, and only seems to occur on weekends, then maybe you can invest in some comfortable ear plugs and accept the fact that big cities are noisy and you have no control over it. If you’re feeling a little saucy, I might be tempted to write a note on her door asking her to let you know when she plans to actually sleep or have “quiet time” so that you can make sure to blast your music then. You might want to mention that you go to a Club when you want to feel the gyration of music, not to your home. However, if you are a courteous person who prefers more reasonable and tasteful tactics, you might want to simply tell her via note (since you never know when you’re going to run into this person), that you would appreciate her keeping her music down because your job requires you to be an early riser. A reasonable person will understand, be willing to work with you, and adjust themselves. If she ignores your efforts to "make nice", then you can't work with her and refer to nastier options above... or just tell that b*tch to check herself! Just kidding. Don't jump to conclusions though if you don't get a response. If you're lucky, she might just feel stupid. It would be ideal if we could all cohabit Earth peacefully, but that's not reality. Not every living situation is ideal but just be grateful you don’t have her as a roommate. It could always be a lot worse. Reading up on other people's roommate horror stories can be comforting too. There are plenty out there. Delight in the fact that once you shut your door, your space is yours and yours alone. That’s a luxury many people can’t even afford so you might want to focus on that. Either way, whatever you decide to do, it's probably just to make yourself feel better because a person who bumps their music late night like that, is usually aware of it and just being selfish or cocky. Good luck and don’t forget that two can play that game...
